An Open Letter to my Ex Wife

Out of most things in my life, I regret not being able to make us work the most. It’s taken time but I have come to realize that the fault isn’t with me. Or with you. We were just best friends who didn’t work out as anything more. 
I wish the paths of our lives would have been the closer together and that we would have craved the same things: Kids, career, traveling. On the surface we seemed so close yet that divide between us proved insurmountable. 

I am sorry for a lot of things that happened during our time together. The one that still gives me nightmares is that you felt ugly, unattractive and unloved. Not a day went by, including after the papers were filed, that I didn’t think you were beautiful. I think I I always will too. Maybe I just didn’t show you enough, or took the little things for granted. 

I wish I would have told you how some of your words hurt greatly, rather than saying “I’m fine” and trying to deal with it later. I let that two word statement cause way too much damage. 

Maybe it would have been fixable had I spoken up. That is something I will have to carry with me. 

 I will always care about you. It happens when you love another person as long as we did. You leave marks behind. Both good and bad. 

I know that most of what was said and done came from anger. That anger was born out of fear and pain. I don’t hold it against you. I understand. In the beginning I didn’t, but I do now. 
I want the best for you. I know that’s not me. We could have went round and round for years more. We both were stubborn enough, just not in the right areas. I still get sick knowing I’m the one who said to stop. I felt like all we were doing was hurting each other. 
I miss my best friend and those moments we shared. I know we are trying to make some type of friendship work. It’s difficult. But thank you for the effort. 
I know you won’t ever read this. Maybe this is my way of having some closure so I can move on. Guess only time will tell.  
Love 
B

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